The clock read 6:00am, I had to be at school soon and I haven't finished my homework!
"I wish the world would end so I didn't have to do this stupid project!" I exclaim.
A great rumble erupts from beneath me but I shrug it off. Finishing my assignment on two sloppy sentences, I slump to the living room. Suddenly, the house shook violently, the door opened and there it was...The sidewalk was crumbled, car alarms were sounding, and meteoroids were crashing everywhere. Thousands of thoughts run through my head, but then I remember something. Always be careful with what you wish for.
I love the descriptive language in your story and it had a lot of action. I got a little confused when it said " the door opened and there it was" but yo included several things but "it" is a singular noun so you should make that more clear. There were so many ways to end your story but the way you ended it was amazing. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteI loved your story, and I really liked the ending part, it was my favourite, and it's so true. Somtimes you make a wish, that you wished you hadn't. GOOD JOB!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story. I didn't find any issues. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story. I didn't find any issues. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteWow! I love your story. Such a powerful end couple sentences. Love it!
ReplyDeleteWow! Great story! This story made me laugh, it was so funny. Fantasic job this week, Sherlock!
ReplyDeleteWell written. Great job with your punctuation. I love your ending sentence as it really helps to tie your story together. Keep working at this. A challenge for you in the future is to have a story with a big idea or message, something that makes the reader pause and think. This might mean writing more than 100 words but then revising it down to 100 words. An example might be some of the picture books we read with important messages for the readers to take away.
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